Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Now if you’re like me, you’re spending it alone, focusing more on the relationships of your characters more than your own.
If you happen to be like me or merely want to spend your day writing, then I’m here to give some tips on how to write relationships!
Now, by no means am I a professional writer or advice-giver. I have just done a lot of research on this kind of thing and have begun to apply it to my own writing. So, if you don’t think what I’m saying is right for you, then not to worry, just do what you want! There is no set way to write.
There are two kinds of relationships: healthy and unhealthy. Simple, right? This is something you’re taught throughout school. In writing, it’s the same. Not all your characters are going to be good for each other nor are they going to love or respect each other. Personally, I think this is a good thing-it makes a book more interesting and the characters more dynamic. That being said, when it comes to unhealthy relationships, it’s important to not glorify them. ‘Unhealthy’ can range from a lack of respect to straight up abuse. No matter how minor you may think it is, it’s so so important to show your readers how awful said relationships are and perhaps give them a way to recognise the signs themselves.
Not everyone’s life is happy. To be honest, having a painless life is such a rarity that it’s bordering on impossible. So, why make your character’s relationships perfect? It’s like the classic Mary Sue and Gary Stu: characters so absent of weaknesses that they’re just unrealistically perfect. Of course, some people may get on well more than others, but there will always be some disagreement, even if it’s as simple as how to load the dishwasher!
If your book’s main plot is the development of a relationship (romantic or otherwise), then it is crucial to establish a relationship arc. This is the development and timeline of a relationship-much like a character arc. For example: say you have Adam and Barry. They meet in a coffee shop-Adam the barista and Barry the hopeless writer. They saw each other so often that one day, Adam decided to say hi. They progress into meeting outside of the coffee shop and graduate into becoming friends. Friends turns into close friends which turns into best friends. Maybe they even go on holiday together! This is an example of a platonic arc but it always has the possibility to graduate into a Romanic one. Barry and Adam’s timeline may continue: they realise they have feelings for each other, confess, start dating, and maybe even marry. That’s more romantic, no? Of course, don’t forget the silly little arguments Barry and Adam get into, they give the arc more depth! What I’m saying is, a relationship arc is crucial if it is the main or even subplot of your story. If it is the main one, then a little more detail will have to go into it but either way, make sure to highlight the bond forming between characters. This can be quick like a sort of ‘love at first sight’ story, or it could be a slow burn-a long and drawn out connection which is something I think would be great for an enemies to lovers (or friends)! It shouldn’t be happy all the way through though as relationships are hard things to obtain and maintain. As I have already said, no one’s life is perfect.
Show what gives the characters a connection. Do they share a love for frogs? Do they work together? Do they share friends, are they siblings or do they both have the same sense of humour? Draw on your own experiences to give yourself inspiration. Remember, your characters make the relationship, the relationship doesn’t make the characters. They’re their own individuals, just as real people are. Their purpose shouldn’t just be to serve the relationship, they should have their own characteristics, goals, aspirations, hobbies, and a life outside of it. That way, you can make your story feel that little bit more real. Although, that isn’t to say that the relationship can’t have an influence on the characters so that they push each other to be better.
On the topic of individuality, queer representation is also very important. Not every relationship is straight and not every person within a relationship is cisgender. I am talking more about romantic relationships here, but platonic or familial relationships shouldn’t be full of straight people either. Queer representation makes a book more exciting so why wouldn’t you want to include it? Maybe you have a lesbian couple but one is asexual? Or maybe you have a relationship between a cis man and a non-binary person? Including more of a variety of characters within your novel is such a wonderful thing. Not only does it make your readers feel more represented, but it shows a more accurate depiction of reality. Now of course, you may feel a bit nervous writing about queer or transgender people, especially if you’re cisgender or straight. That’s perfectly okay. The cure for your nerves is research. Talk to real life queer or trans people, research how to write them, read books with LGBT representation, and search up real life accounts and stories! It’s honestly as simple as that. Education is the key. Just make sure you understand modern day (and even historical) insults and prejudices against LGBTQ+ people so you know what not to include. To be honest, as a genderqueer bisexual, I advise you to not stress. We’re just people, write us like any of your other characters!
Anyway, I think that’s enough of me rambling on, I do have two books to write after all!
In summary, make sure you do your research on topics you don’t understand and remember that your characters are people too.
