The Social Construct Of Virginity

As an 18 year old, it seems as though the concept of virginity has washed through my peers like a plague. Suddenly, after hitting 16, it seemed as though everyone developed a longing to be seen as ‘cool’ and that was achieved by having sex.

Is it possible that the sexual revolution of the 1960s has since been manipulated by the modern day? While a lack of repression and prudence surrounding sex is necessary in order to promote safe sex and maturity, modern day sex-culture (especially in teenagers) has been taken to an extreme. No longer is sex a choice, but a pressure. If it is revealed that you are a virgin, you are met by “oh that’s admirable”, “lets get you laid” or another kind of patronising, demeaning comment to make you embarrassed.

It seems as though being a virgin has connotations to not being attractive, being a prude, being innocent, and being void of any ability to talk to your preferred sex. When in reality, it is just an experience some people have not lived through yet. It’s like any other activity, playing the piano for example. Some people play the piano, some don’t, some will in the future and some won’t. Too much value has been placed on sex,elevating it from just an activity to an important experience every teenager must go through as soon as possible. This leads to problems. In a fight to be seen as adult, teens race to have sex with whoever is willing-not stopping to contemplate their own value which can lead to a variety of self-esteem issues. Especially with girls, this leads to a lack of enjoyment and pleasure-one of the most fundamental reasons someone has sex. Within youth culture, I have found, that the reasons an adult has sex and the reasons a teen does are two completely different things. A teen has sex, more often than not, to say they have done it and “get it over and done with” (a phrase I have heard one too many times). Whereas, an adult has sex for enjoyment or procreation-the fundamental reasons why someone may do it. Sexual freedom has moved away from the right to choose and the right to freely talk about eroticism, but to get rid of your virginity as quickly as possible in order to fit in.

Now, not every teenager is the same. There are plenty of teens who have sex for their and their partners pleasure. Not everyone feels as though they should. However, it seems as though the majority place an unnecessary weight to the concept of virginity.

The sexual revolution had heavy links to women’s rights as it was once seen as taboo for a woman to be sexually free. While this prejudice still exists today, I have found within a lot of my female friends that they have felt a need to sex in order to be seen as more mature and experienced by guys. This is also the same for a lot of my male friends I have spoken to. The core message of the 60s revolution has been exploited and the original aims have been abandoned. Girls end up devaluing themselves rather than being empowered by having sex and the majority receive no enjoyment. But how did it start? How has modern day sex-culture led to this pressure? This is still a question that needs answering.

What caused me to write this piece today was a drunken comment one of my friends made. She said “imagine being 18 and a virgin”. While it was clearly a joke and no harm was meant by it, it was yet another example of the pressure-culture surrounding sex in today’s youth. Me not having sex is seen as a negative and something to be ashamed of. It is an area of weakness that my friends can exploit without knowing any of the personal reasons as to why. While, first and foremost, my virginity is none of their business, it is also not interesting. The value that is placed upon it is the value it holds. It sounds obvious but it seems that far to many people don’t think about it enough. To me, sex means nothing. I am not going to go out of my way to get it but I am also not going to deny it if the time comes around (and is right, of course). That being said, to a religious person, they may place more of a value on it due to the concept of purity and sex before marriage. My friends, and a lot of other people I know, have placed so much value on virginity but in a harmful way. They are not being sexually free, but sexually repressive by putting pressure onto someone to have sex without considering reasons as to why they have abstained. This, more often than not, is via jokes.

This problem won’t be solved unless people talk about it. However, there is a fear, one I have experienced many times, of coming off as preachy. I don’t wish to portray myself as better than another person for not conforming to a societal standard. Nor do I wish to push my views upon others. This concern has been especially exploited by media as within shows and films, there is usually a preachy, political (and typically feminist) character who pushes their views upon others which results in them not being liked regardless of whether any of their arguments had any importance. A fear of becoming that character has kept me silent which has led me to fall victim to modern-day sex culture. I have considered “getting it over and done with”, I have done things just to say I have done them (which I didn’t enjoy at all), and I’ve put myself in very uncomfortable situations just to fit in. Not one of those instances did I enjoy and it usually just led to feeling violated. Yet, I cannot express that as I don’t want to demean anyone’s sexual lifestyle or shame them for having sex. There is a fine line to walk and it has to be done delicately. I only wish to discuss the reasons teens have sex and whether it is what they truly want, or what they think they want.

So, in conclusion, if you are reading this and you are worried about having sex or people finding out if you’re a virgin, relax. No one really cares. At the end of the day, humans are innately selfish and will care more about their own stories than yours. Put as much value on sex as you want but be mature and careful and try your best not to conform to a ridiculous pressure over something that is made up anyway.

The Value Of Opinions

I was watching a youtube video when a family member, rather out of the blue, said that the woman’s opinions of which I was watching had little value due to her uneducated status. Based on looks and premeditated assumptions, this person had already come to a conclusion as to what another was worth when in a debate. That was until I did a bit of research and found that our point of controversy graduated with a Scottish Master of Arts in Philosophy from the University of St.Andrews where she was the top of her class.

This got me thinking. Why do we value and rank others opinions while also having an opinion ourselves? To us, we would deem our views as correct and valuable while others may not. It’s strange-as I was talking to this family member I wondered how it was okay for them to have an opinion (one they freely expressed) when they also, evidently, have little knowledge of the speaker or the situation at all.

Within modern day, it seems as though we value and rank each other’s opinions based on qualities such as education, looks, character, and more. This is not inherently a bad thing, it is just something that I believe needs analysing and that is what I shall be doing in this essay.

Education adds a layer of reliability on an opinion-making one more likely to be dependent on it. If a person, coming from a well-informed background in a subject, states an opinion-then it is viewed as higher value. This is due to a deeper understanding of a subject than the base-line of the everyday man. If a person dedicates their time to looking into a subject, then it is to be assumed that their opinion on the matter can be taken at face value. However, facts aren’t steadfast. They change. This is evident in the new development of knowledge causing school textbooks to be updated. For example, the changing status of Pluto as to whether it is a planet and the fact that most people once thought God created man while now the majority (65% according to pewresearch.org) believe in evolution. While facts may be a solid truth at the moment, overall, they are ever-changing as humanity progresses. Thus, it would be correct to assume that education-while vital-is not always a good measure as to whether someone’s opinion should be listened to.

Furthermore, as stated in the dictionary definition, opinions aren’t ‘necessarily based on fact or knowledge’. These are personal beliefs and are only ‘fact’ to the owner of said opinion. Therefore, they cannot be ranked as everyone will be inherently biased, believing that their word is correct. Now, that does not mean that one cannot see the viewpoint of another or that they cannot see the weaknesses and flaws within their own opinions. It means that, subconsciously, they are more inclined to agree with others who share the same viewpoints and be more combative with those who don’t. Yet again, as mentioned, this isn’t inherently a bad thing and just promotes a healthy debate-something which is needed to also further our education. 

It is key to note that class and the financial situations of a person also influences their level of education and thus, in many people’s eyes, their opinion. Someone may not be able to get a university degree due to the ever rising costs of university tuition along with the overall cost of living. According to walesonline.co.uk, nearly a quarter of the UK’s 2.5 million university students cannot afford their required textbooks. This was from a poll of 1,000 students. Not only this, but 1 in 6 considered quitting their course to get a job-therefore sacrificing their education to be able to survive in the current climate. Almost a fifth of students needed to visit a foodbank to eat or knew someone who had to and 35% relied on financial help from their family more than before. While the poll sample is small, it would be unwise to assume that this isn’t a fairly accurate representation of many university students throughout the United Kingdom. The obscene prices to obtain a document letting others know you’re educated, allows you to be viewed as having a more valuable and trustworthy opinion-despite the fact that information is ever changing and opinions are inherently personal. To say that one’s opinion is more valuable than others is, to some degree, classist as there will be people who have the potential to obtain a university degree yet cannot due to financial hurdles put in their way. Additionally, a lack of a degree does not mean that someone isn’t dedicated to a subject. Someone can do an immense amount of research into a subject without having to go the official route, yet in many people’s eyes, because they haven’t obtained a piece of paper, their opinion is automatically not as valuable.

To continue, when I mentioned the university degree of the aforementioned point of controversy to my family member, they said that they bet that it wasn’t a Russell group or highly accredited university. This is a good display of hierarchy within the education system, further ranking the value of opinions. While the number of state school students being accepted into Russell group universities have risen, universities still tend to favour private school students due to the higher level of education. In 2020, 93% of UK children were state educated but only 70% of Oxbridge students had come from state schools (goodschoolsguide.co.uk). Those who have more money tend to do better in the education system, entering into the Russell group universities and boosting their prestige. As evidenced, this isn’t to say that state school students do not make it, but the acceptance rate is disproportionate. The system is ranking education which therefore leads to a ranking of opinions in everyday life. As seen in my relative, while university students are to be trusted more than the average uneducated individual, Russell group students are another step up. This is unfair.

Some may say that a lack of education breeds ignorance but this is an assumption that ignores the fact that educated people have the capacity to be ignorant too. Plus, it could be said that calling someone ignorant is also a matter of opinion, thus meaning that it is not fact. Humans tend to make assumptions on a person based on looks and character which then places that person into a position within their subconscious hierarchy. Yet again, this isn’t inherently a bad thing as it cannot be changed-this action is mostly subconscious. However, it does mean that the value of a person’s opinion is also judged on these factors. A person’s assumptions are based on childhood, morals, values, and the world around them. A racist white man from middle America may view a black woman’s opinion as lesser but this does not mean that his opinion of this woman is correct. His opinion is based on external factors which prevents him from being able to correctly and unbiasedly rank the worth of her opinion further adding to my point that opinions cannot be compared. They should be left as is.

In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say that one opinion cannot hold a higher value than another, nor can they be compared. An opinion is not fact and the reinforcement of an opinion-education-also cannot be used as a measurement due to an unfair system. This is my personal truth-my opinion. It may not be one you share but it should be respected, just as every other one should. To one, my thoughts may be brilliantly correct, but to another I may be completely wrong. Meaning, the value of my opinion fluctuates depending on who is evaluating it. Everyone is influenced by those around them, their education system, and their personal experiences. This is a good thing. It means we have lived and thus, are entitled to our opinions.

An Essay On Gender Inequality

Since the dawn of time, women were seen as the ‘lesser’, or ‘second sex’. Spurred on by religion, they were once viewed as mere caregivers and house maids. While society has strayed from a strong religious hold, it seems as though old traditions are so tightly interwoven into modern day, that a simple, quick fix is no longer the answer. This essay aims to evaluate the inequalities between men and women, commenting on possible solutions and analysing the impact of said imbalance.

According to the UK government’s ‘Gender Inequality Monitor’, men earn 17.9% more than women on average per hour. Meaning, for every £1 a man earns, a woman will earn 82p. While the pay gap has decreased from 9.1% in 2017 to 8.6% in 2018, the remnants of a misogynistic history are lingering-disallowing women from making a decent enough living to support themselves, especially in a time where prices are skyrocketing. The need for better pay is evidenced in the hours worked by women versus their male counterparts. The World’s Women noted that, in 2015, women worked longer hours than men (paid or unpaid) while also spending at least twice as much time as men on domestic work. This is evidenced on ‘LSE Blogs’ with 85% of women cooking and doing housework daily, in comparison to 49% of men. Additionally, 41% of women also provide care for children, grandchildren, the elderly, and the disabled compared to 25% of men. Despite doing so much, women are undervalued and underpaid, causing them to work harder in order to stay afloat. According to Weareagenda.org, one in five women (19%) experience a common mental disorder like anxiety or depression, compared with one in eight (12%) men. Furthermore, Mayoclinic.org has stated that women are nearly twice as likely than men to be diagnosed with depression. While it is unlikely that the high work load and little pay is the singular cause for a depleted mental condition, it is important to consider that the high pressures do have a negative impact. This is only worsened when women’s-more specifically, mother’s-career progression is stunted due to bias around pay and promotion, difficult workplace cultures (like sexual harassment), and difficulties balancing work with childcare (source: gov.uk). So, with an inability to earn more, while competing with men who are regarded as superior in the world of work, a woman is likely to find her mental condition strained due to the added pressures of a sex she cannot control. Then, if a woman was to wish to make change within her local area and to better working conditions for herself and her fellow female, she faces further opposition as only 25% of parliamentarians worldwide are female (source: Inter-Parliamentary Union, 2019). Furthermore, women of colour have an additional opponent to face within the world of work. Not only are they facing unfair prejudice from being a woman, but they also face yet another problem of being an ethnic minority. These women had to send 60% more applications to get a job and receive the same number of call-backs as white people. Not only that, but 1/3 of women of colour say they’ve been unfairly passed over or denied a promotion at work (source: JSE blogs). Yet, they are unable to protest this as nearly 82 million women around the world don’t have any legal protection against workplace discrimination (source: World Policy Analysis Centre, 2017).

While contending with inequality in the workplace, women are further subjected to sexualisation and violence in the wider world. According to the World Health Organisation, one in three women around the world experience violence. While the Crime Survey in England and Wales (CSEW) found that 60% of victims of violence were male versus a female 40%, the likelihood of the attacks being based on their sex (and being viewed as more vulnerable) is minimal for a man. This is evidenced by the high rates of human trafficking involving women and girls (71%, source: UNODC, 2016) and the fact that one in five female refugees and internally displaced people have experienced sexual violence in countries impacted by conflict (source: OCHA,2016). The perceived vulnerability of women allows them to be prayed upon, creating such high figures of sexual violence. Even men closest to the women (eg, family members or intimate partners) can view themselves as superior-seen by 58% of all women murdered in 2017 being killed by said men (source: United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime,2018). Between April 2020 and March 2021, 177 women were murdered in England and Wales in comparison to 416 men. However, out of the 177 women, 109 were killed by a man (92%) (source: Office for National Statistics (ONS)). It is clear that men are a threat to many women and so they are treated as such. While not every man is a danger to a woman, it is hard not to suspect them without knowing them personally. In simpler terms, if there was a bowl of fruit and one was poisoned, it is unlikely that someone would eat from the bowl as they do not want to run the risk of death. Women have to walk with caution when it comes to dealing with men, showing the inherent inequality in modern society as men typically don’t have to do the same. In England and Wales, there has been an increase of 13% in the number of women falling victim to sexual assault from the year ending September 2021 (40,572 women) versus the previous year (35,029). This is the highest number of sexual offences ever recorded within a 12 month period proving that our modern society is struggling to stray from the hold of the patriarchy and male domination. It is important to highlight that it is unlikely that every perpetrator will be a man, however, when analysing the trend of male on female crime, it is safe to assume that such a reality is the case for a number of them (source: BBC). As noted on the Gov.uk website, three out of five women aged 16 to 34 have experienced at least one form of harassment in the previous 12 months. 44% of women falling within the aforementioned age bracket have experienced catcalls, whistles, and unwanted sexual comments with 29% feeling as though they were being followed (24th August 2021). The illusion of safety when walking home is far from reality for many women, whether that be at night or otherwise. One in two women felt unsafe walking home at night in a quiet street near their home (in comparison to one in seven men). So, to combat this, women now know to walk in public around other people. Yet, the statistics don’t change. One in two women felt unsafe walking alone at night in a busy public space (in contrast to one in five men) (source: BBC). It seems as though there are many solutions yet none adequately protect the safety of women. Walk in lit places, walk in a group, don’t go out at night, don’t wear headphones, keep your location on. There are many solutions yet there isn’t a universal cure. Some people don’t have the ability to walk in lit places surrounded by a group of friends-it is impractical and disillusioned. It may be adequate advice but it isn’t an overall cure. Rather than holding the men accountable or preventing the attacks, society tends to tell the woman what she should do to protect herself-allowing the responsibility to fall upon her. This is not tackling the problem at its core, its a temporary delay of an inevitable outcome. This is especially true when looking at nightlife and drinking. Women have to be careful of how much they drink and who they’re around. Being drunk creates vulnerability, giving a predator an easy target. When going out, women have to be more aware, thus limiting the amount of fun and relaxation they can have in comparison to their male counterparts. While men have to be careful on what they drink, how they get home, etc, women have an extra variable they need to think about-their sex. It is unfair to state that men do not get assaulted or can’t be perceived as vulnerable but their sex does make them appear superior to many, thus decreasing the likelihood of a potential attack. As the patriarchy is so interwoven into our society, even women are indoctrinated into thinking that masculinity equals power and domination versus femininity which indicates sensitivity and vulnerability.

Furthermore, it is crucial to look into the online world alongside the physical one. A report by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that, on average, 51.8% of advertisements in 58 different magazines portrayed women as sex objects. This number increases to 76% when looking at advertisements in men’s magazines. The objectification of women encourages the outdated belief that women are nothing but their looks. This causes a domino effect of women being treated as lesser both in everyday life and in the workplace. An unwavering focus on beauty standards not only makes those who do not fit those standards feel insecure, but breeds a new generation of children who believe that attractiveness comes above all. It leads to a lack of female solidarity generated by jealousy and a society of women who value their worth on what others think of them. A division in femininity over an unrealistic beauty standard keeps the patriarchy in power as women cannot come together to make a unified stand. It also causes children to engage in sexual acts and objectification as they have been indoctrinated into believing that’s what they should do. For example, a study by the American Journal of Psychiatry found that between 10% and 25% of adolescents had sent sexts and 15% to 35% had received them. An immature mind being exposed to mature content has long to lasting, damaging effects surrounding both their confidence and mental state. The Dove Self Esteem Project found that only 11% of girls called themselves beautiful and six in ten girls avoid certain activities out of fear of the way they look. The explicit sexualisation of women within the media leads to young girls comparing themselves to every other girl around them, basing their own worth on if a man would find them attractive-yet again feeding into the patriarchy and putting men on a pedestal. Then, when a girl has the confidence to call herself beautiful, like the aforementioned 11% of girls, they subject themselves to being called “cocky” or being bullied. In a time where sex is treated so lightly amidst the youth, it is to be expected that the age of girls sexualising themselves for attention will get lower. Then, even if they do sexualise themselves online, they still run the risk of getting hate. Publications.Parliament.uk said that, 27% of women who have received online abuse have received threats of physical or sexual violence and 47% have experienced sexist/misogynistic abuse. 59% said the perpetrator was a stranger and 27% said they personally knew them. Amnesty found that 55% of women suffered stress, anxiety or panic attacks due to the online abuse and that 67% of women were apprehensive when contemplating using social media. Not only this, but a shocking 36% felt their physical safety was threatened. So, when women are not being sexualised, they are being abused for simply being active on social media-regardless of their age. Online hate lingers and can reach further distances than in-person hate. No matter where they are, women are subjected to sex-based abuse.

So, who should be held accountable? Well, it starts with the men. From the suffrage movement to the current protests over the US abortion ban, women have been fighting for change for a long time. While it has had a massive, largely positive impact, it becomes increasingly harder implement change when there is a force of men pushing back or just not joining in on the fight. If men are the main cause, they are also the quickest way to improvement. Holding each other accountable, spreading awareness, and just being aware of the inequalities themselves helps society progress as a whole.

In conclusion, while men can also be victims of harassment, abuse and sexualisation, women are the main target, being perceived as vulnerable based off of historical prejudice. To progress into a more equal society, accountability needs to be taken and awareness needs to be spread in an open and constructive way. It is nearly impossible to rid the world of every kind of abuse and discrimination, but big improvements can be made one step as a time if everyone works together. That is the way to build a better future.

The Concept Of Originality

My book is often compared to other dystopian novels such as ‘The Hunger Games’ and ‘Maze Runner’. Those I speak to seem to believe that my book is a knockoff of those I mentioned previously. Some make comments in jest while others seem to have sincerity behind their words. At first this upset me. A concept that I believed to be original and a concept I worked years on was so quickly dismissed because it bared a resemblance to other novels. I’m sure you have felt this way too.

However, I later realised that the comparison isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s something I could use to my advantage. I could advertise my books to those who liked Maze Runner and The Hunger Games and use it as an opportunity to grow my brand.

As I am writing this, I still don’t believe that Nuts and Bolts is a knockoff to either one of those dystopians I have mentioned. I have worked hard on the plot and focused on originality. I came up with the idea myself and I don’t think they resemble each other in any way, other than the clear class divide. That being said, I know my piece isn’t entirely unique or original and I know people will have opinions on it. I embrace that. Nowadays, originality is a very rare thing. Every book or piece of entertainment is influenced by something in some way, whether that is subconsciously or not.

Of course, copying an idea and refusing to transform it in some way is just plain wrong (unless given permission), but not being original isn’t a bad thing at all. As I said, originality is a rare (or even non-existent) thing. Just because a concept resembles another, that doesn’t mean that the author hasn’t developed the idea to put their own spin on it or make it fit a certain audience. Plucking an idea out of thin air and not relating it to an experience you once had is near impossible. Everything is born from something.

If you have been told your work is like another, please don’t feel ashamed. That is just one person’s opinion. As long as you enjoy the idea and have developed it in your own way, then nothing can take that away from you. See it as a positive and a chance to gain a larger audience. Have confidence in your idea and remember that it is unique to you.

People will always have opinions on things, it’s human nature. This isn’t wrong. It should be something to adore. Opinions are what help us learn and develop. Even if said opinions are upsetting and offensive, transforming them into a positive is such a powerful experience. I have done this and trust me, I felt more confident about my book than ever before. The comments I received were from people who had never read my work and compared my synopsis to other novels. To begin with, I was saddened by these opinions and began to question my idea but when I got home and re-read my outline, I had never felt more confident. Those comments allowed me to see my book in a different light and put a new spin on what I had made. I added new scenes and developed my characters further, using their comments as a drive to make my work more unique. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be upset when your work is compared to another, it means you should use it to take another stance on what you have written. Unless you had rewritten an existing book word for word, I am certain your story is unique in its own way.

Remember, just because one person may believe that your story is like another doesn’t mean someone else will. Everyone is different.